I just acquired the newest release by Alicia Keys. My favorite track is ‘Tell You Something’. It reminds me of the times I should have shared what was in my heart and didn’t.

But the track that resonates with me the most is ‘No One’. One of the guys at work was playing this song over and over and over. It brought to mind a boyfriend I had in college. He was shy and quiet and he deserved a lot more than what I was able to offer at the time. He wanted to keep us a secret from the others in our little circle of friends. So we became Someone and No one. Of course he made me Someone and he was No one. He would leave me cards and poems always To Someone From No one. He once carved a rose into a piece of chalk. I still have it tucked away in my little box of treasures.

We enjoyed many quiet times together just sitting and holding hands. That wasn’t enough for me, I had to go and mess it up. Here was a guy who really loved me and all I could think of was having sex with him. I knew how he felt but I still felt rejected when he wanted to wait. I eventually wore him down. We had sex one time and it ruined everything. I lost interest and broke his heart.

After that he gave me a book of poetry called ‘Something to Someone’. It follows the theme of a person who longs for love, finds it and then loses it. I read it again this morning and after nearly twenty years it still breaks my heart that I could have treated a man with such a gentle soul like he really was the No one he felt he was.

I know my story doesn’t follow the song but it should have. I’m sorry JR.

I have these dreams sometimes where I am running. Not running from or to anything. Just running at a nice even pace, wind in my face. I feel free and happy. I feel that runners high that I have felt only once before. I wake up feeling eager to maintain that feeling and then remember that there is no way, in my present condition, that I could even attempt such a thing.

I have a friend at work who is an avid swimmer. He has recently taken up running and biking and has done a couple of triathlons. He has been very encouraging. He had some trouble with the running because of shin splints but never gave up. That has inspired me to get over my obstacles and just do it.

Another friend and I were suppose to do a 5k today. She begged off due to a sinus infection. I have one too but really wanted to go. And yes I didn't go because she didn't go, but not just because she didn't go. This would have been my first one and I was terrified. My other friend was going to be there with his family but I would have felt like a 5th wheel if I had latched on to them.

I have anxiety and crowd issues and I was afraid to go alone. My friend is my strength in situations like that. We go to Vegas sometimes. I don't think she realizes how grounded she makes me feel.

I don't have a large circle of friends and I like it that way. But it would be nice to meet some new folks who have an interest in running, that would help keep me motivated.

My friend and I do have a 5k scheduled for Mar 1 for the Houston rodeo. Wish me luck.