Do you have something about yourself that causes you to feel frustrated
and embarrassed? Something that people can't see just by looking at you
or knowing you? Something that you know you need help with but you can't
get over the shame enough to ask anyone to help you?

I have something. And as with all things that are painful we sometimes
feel alone. We feel like there is no one on God's green earth that has
felt or is feeling the way we do. And we are wrong. There is always
someone. There is someone else who feels the same pain, hurt, shame.

I came across an article in a magazine this morning that let me see that
there are other people dealing with my same issue. The magazine is
MARIE CLAIRE/AUG 2007 and the article is titled "I Grew up in This
Mess".

I don't usually read this magazine but I was bored and it was there.
The article describes a home with stacks of paper and unopened mail.
Stuff piled everywhere, broken unusable, unused. Dishes not done,
bathrooms not cleaned. This is not so bad you say. I don't mean the
normal clutter, a dish or two in the sink or slight build up of soap
scum on the tub.

I started to describe my house, my mess, my shame and I can't do it.

You can get an idea if you read the article. My house isn't quite as
bad as the ones in the article. The problem is described by doctors as
"hoarding". Experts believe that 2 to 3 million people suffer from this
syndrome. Last year a group was founded called Children of Hoarders
(childrenofhoarders.com). I plan on checking out the web site later
tonight when I get home.

My friend K would say " What's the big deal, just clean it up ". I wish
it was that easy. I thought that this problem was part of my bipolar
disorder and maybe it is, I don't know. All I know is I am not alone in
my feelings. I hope this web site has some answers.