I wonder what I'll be like when I'm 80

A pretty good day Monday. I got a lot of errands run without feeling all stressed. Got blood drawn for Li levels and saw my therapist. Talked about Friday and the weekend. I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I hope she lets me go back to work. I think I'm ready now.

I asked my therapist how do I know which me is the real me. I sometimes feel like I have multiple personalities. When my chemistry gets out of whack I feel like I'm on the outside watching myself do things I don't want to do. The last few days though I've felt more in control than I have the last couple of months. I feel confidant I am leveling out now.

I'm trying to remember how I was when I was a kid. One family member says I was mean, one says I was hyper. I have a report card that says I'm shy and don't work to my full potential. My brother says when excitement of some kind would happen that I'd go hide. I do remember in Junior High that I lied a lot. I was afraid to raise my hand and have the wrong answer and look stupid. I used to think that I was abnormal, but I've learned that I'm not. Now I'm not mean and I do my best to be honest. I don't have any problems asking questions or providing input. I do think that when stuff happens I still try to hide. I know I'm not stupid but I think sometimes I still work beneath my potential. I learned that I can make people laugh and I love that. I'm thinking that my greatest weakness right now is facing confrontation, I hate it. I always get overly emotional and defensive. So something to work on I guess. Oh and asking for help that just breaks my heart to have to do that. Another thing to work on.

So what's the conclusion? I'm just a regular person living an interesting life and learning as I go along. People change and grow over time. I wonder what I'll be like when I'm 80.