The moment I found God

I didn't find Him, He found me. It's 1995. I have a great job, a 3 bedroom brick house and all the sex I can get and if I'm not working I'm drunk or on my way to it. Actually I think at this time I may have slowed down because I was diagnosed with depression and the doctor had me on meds. I was feeling empty and lonely. I didn't just want sex I wanted a real relationship. I also felt like I had a spiritual component missing in my life. I had a history with Buddhism, my dad introduced me while I lived in Cali. It made me feel peaceful and calm but it's hard to always pray alone. The closest members were an hour away and I guess I just wasn't willing to go that far. I have Cherokee ancestors on both my father and my mother sides. I started reading books dealing with native american life, shamans and healers. It was one of these days when the missionaries came to my door.

The sister missionaries looked so sweet so innocent. I happened to have one of my shaman books in my hand. The one sister, Sister Hancock, asked me if I liked to read. I replied yes and showed her the book I was reading. She said that she had a book about the history of the native americans on this continent and asked if I would read it. I said sure and took the book and we made an appointment for them to come back over.

I read that book cover to cover and I cannot even explain what I felt. I had so many questions for the sisters. Usually the missionaries meet investigators in their home but I was so ashamed at the state of my house that they agreed to meet me at Dairy Queen. We had many discussions at Dairy Queen over the next few weeks. Every one answering a question I had in my heart. I felt like prayers I had never asked were being answered. One discussion dealing with premortal and mortal life and also with life after death I learned that I could be with my family for eternity. I felt a warmth in my chest and my eyes welled over, I can be with my mother again, I asked. They said yes and explained to me the principle more fully. I knew it was true. Sister Hancock was the best, not only did she teach me truths she testified of them. I think that more than anything was instrumental in my conversion.

Of course I had to pray about it and gain my own testimony. I prayed for days and nothing came, nothing I was absolutely sure of. I was having trouble with a "broken heart and a contrite spirit". I was on my knees thinking of this and thinking about my Savior. I flipped through my scriptures and there I found it, like it was written just for me. At that moment I knew it. I knew God loved me, I knew the things the missionaries taught me were true. I knew I would see my mother again and I knew I loved her still.

God knows me so well. Even in the way he sent the message, if he had sent guy missionaries I probably would have taken it as a personal challenge to seduce them.

Now I am what we call inactive or less active. I don't go to church very often. I miss it and the friends that I have there. I have to work 2 Sundays a month but I really have no excuse for the others. Today is Saturday maybe I'll go tomorrow. I know it's true, I feel it all the way to my soul.