Yesterday 7/14

I was hoping to feel better by yesterday. I went shopping in the afternoon to get the kids some groceries for there stay at one of the other kids house. It might be easier to put some names with the kids. My kid is Brian the other two are Patrick and Thomas. They are staying at Toms while his parents are on vacation. I know I say kids but they are 22,23,24. Anyhow I went shopping and I started feeling really freaky. I get this really wiry feeling. I have a few things I am compulsive about buying. Office products like pens, notebooks, sticky note pads. Electronics like stuff for my computers or camera. Purses I really buzz out on purses. DVD's, clothes.

I actually didn't do as bad as I usually do. I left out of Walmart with a portable USB wireless mouse for my lap top. Two USB hubs, one for my desktop and one for my lap top. A monitor stand that was made for a flat monitor but I didn't notice that until I was unpacking it so I have my lap on it. I also got a marker/magnet board and markers, eraser and board cleaner and of course magnets. I bought some t-shirts, 3 for me and 2 for my kid. I also got a denim shirt for me. I didn't go anywhere near the purses. I had just bought about 25 pens and a notebook a few days ago so I didn't feel the compulsion to buy any more.

Maybe that doesn't sound so bad, but I don't need any of these things and I am behind on my bills. I felt nauseas and like I might have a panic attack. I couldn't control it, I really wanted to leave but I had not even gotten the kids their groceries. I thought I was going be sick. And what topped it off was that as I walked the long way to my car there were several employees just sort of wandering around trying to look busy and not one of those punks offered to help me. Probably better that way if someone would have spoken to me I might have lost it. I cried all the way home and then I just felt drained, and I wanted to sleep.

I have to see my doc on Monday. I haven't had a shopping mania attack in a long time, over a year I'm sure. I hope I feel better, I need to get back to work.